Fear

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image credit: Elizabeth Gilbert Facebook

Hello friends! I can’t believe it has been so long since we last chatted! I apologize for my disappearance; I have been super busy with school and work and life. Also, and I’m about to get a little real here, I have been afraid. Afraid that I won’t be able to come up with content, afraid that no one cares what I have to say, afraid that what I want to talk about is too broad or all over the place, afraid that my writing will be lacking somewhere or uninteresting. Afraid that you will judge me. See, there’s all these resources out there to help you start blogging, gain and keep followers, what not to do, etc. I can’t help feeling like these “rules” only confine me to a box, and also feed my fear. This is my space that I get to share with all of you, where I have the creative power. Shouldn’t I be able to decide what that looks like? Do I want people to read my blog? Of course. But I’m not here to draw in followers , I am here to create. I started a blog because I wanted to talk about the things I love, and so I could “practice” my writing. Because when you are a writer, you just need to write-anything really-and this was supposed to be my outlet for that. Well, I’m back and I want to be intentional with my words.

I have been reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic. From the very first paragraph, I knew this was going to be a game-changer. I’m about half-way through this book, and I have been kicked in the ass more times than I can count already. So much so, that I have had to put this masterpiece down and step away from it for a hot minute. It is incredibly convicting as a writer, a creator. It is wondrous to me how something can be so inspiring and so fear-evoking at the same damn time. Gilbert challenges me in every sentence, speaking to that fear, and tells me to be brave. I have recently realized that I am brave every single day. Just getting out of bed in the morning takes more courage than I thought possible. I struggle with depression and anxiety. I know, more realness, but honestly, it is the only way I know how to be. Sometimes I can be too real and leave tact at the door, but sometimes realness is necessary for true human interaction and understanding. I feel everything more than most people, and I live in constant fear that I am not good enough, that something will go terribly wrong. Most days I feel like I am drowning; going to work is literally painful and simple things overwhelm me. Because of this, sitting down to write is often something I put off. These feelings of “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t do this” tend to be too overwhelming to push through, and contribute to much of my “writer’s block”.

I do not tell you this to make excuses, but to show you that the effect depression has on one’s everyday life, extends even into their biggest passions. I tell you this because after years of dealing with this and constantly pushing through the pain, I finally realize what has been holding me back. I’ve always known there was something off about me, and I’ve taken enough psychology courses (I majored in it at one point in my many years of college) and seen enough therapists to know  what that “something” really is, but I’ve also always tried to deal with it on my own. That isn’t an option anymore. Not when it is keeping me from doing what I truly love to do most; write. I will talk to Elizabeth Gilbert as I read through Big Magic, saying, “You know, I would really love to just write through the fear, but I can’t. I just don’t know how!” Or, “Hey, listen Liz, I’m trying to be brave. I want to be brave. I know my fear is boring. But holy hell, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!?” I am so inspired by her words, but my fear is BIGGER and SCARIER.

Are you still with me? I sure hope so. I want to begin a conversation. I have SO MUCH to say on the subject of depression and mental health, particularly the stigma surrounding it in the church and really, in our country as a whole. This is only a small part of my story; I am sure you can tell it is unfinished. Don’t worry, I’ll share more. This is only the beginning. It wasn’t until I started this very paragraph that I came to the conclusion that this is the start of my very first blog post series. What?! YES! How crazy that a post about fear would turn into a discussion, a passion, a safe place to share experiences and raise awareness. I am so excited friends (and a little scared), and I hope you will join me. I will be spreading this “series” out and probably making a mental health post once a month.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences! Share with me in the comments below, like my Facebook page and share there, or if you are uncomfortable sharing publicly, shoot me an email at FlexiblyNerdyBlog@gmail.com

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Everyday Liz & Red

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          Hello lovelies! All of my favorite Fall shows are back! How about you? I don’t usually watch live since I am working on my Bachelors (in Creative Writing!) online and am either doing homework or trying to sleep. However, there are a couple I do watch when they air, and one of them is The Blacklist. Last night was the 2nd episode of season 3, and man was it intense. If you haven’t, I suggest you get on Netflix and start binge watching seasons 1 and 2 ASAP! James Spader is brilliant as Raymond Reddington, and Megan Boone is fantastic as Elizabeth Keen. They are an unlikely, but fabulous pair- a United States traitor and an FBI agent-connected somehow, though not even Lizzy knows the truth. GAH! You just need to watch-and if you do, tell me your thoughts!

        Anyway, I’ve been thinking about Halloween and what I would dress up as if I had anywhere to go, and these two characters were the first to pop into my mind. First, I’m really loving Lizzy’s “on the run” look. It’s still simple, just like her usual FBI style, but it’s kinda hot! I’d totally rock something like this anytime, and not just for Halloween. Check it-

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       I think I’d go with Reddington if I was going to dress up for Halloween if we’re going to be honest. Red is always dressed to impress, and let’s face it, that is part of his charm! I had a lot of fun putting together this outfit…Now I think I need to put this together in real life and find something to do for All Hallows Eve!
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       I think a natural makeup look would go well with either of these-maybe a light pink/sheer lip gloss? Do you think something bolder would go better with my Lady Red outfit?
       If you were going to dress up as favorite television character, who would it be?

5 Fandom Friday- It’s the End of the World As We Know it…

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Happy Friday my nerd loves! Life has been crazy, but that’s no excuse for not popping in and saying hello on here or writing every week! I am working on remedying that, so I’m getting back on track with October’s first 5 Fandom Friday! This week we are looking at people we’d want on our side during an Apocalypse. This was so hard for me because I want all the badasses! I came up with so many people, but narrowed it down to the following.

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The Entire Fringe team- Yes, I know this does not count as just one person, but I couldn’t just pick one of them. They are a package deal. Walter is brilliant and could help with so many things. Resident scientist, he could be our medic, our milk shake concoctor (is this even a word?), and our fun maker (twizzlers, Acid…you know, good times ;p). In all seriousness though, Walter would be irreplaceable. Obviously Peter and Astrid are known for their smarts as well, but are always trained in weaponry and see some major action. And Olivia, well, I’m not sure I need to convince any of you why she’d be a necessity on the team. Depending on the type of Apocalypse we’re looking at, these folks have seen the craziest stuff, and that could really come in handy. Hey, maybe Walter could find a way to reverse the zombying effects if that’s where we’re headed! (Now, I totally think that there are many more that make up the Fringe team- I love Broyles, Nina, Charlie and Lincoln-but these four are the core.)

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Captain Mal Reynolds- I mean, the man survived a war, deals with mercenaries, scorned women, and Reavers. Mal has protected his crew and passengers, even when he didn’t like some of them. The fact that he dealt with Reavers is a big plus-who knows what we’ll deal with in our own Apocalypse?! Also, he can negotiate with the best of them, which would help in acquiring supplies and the like. His wit and charm is undeniable, and it would just be a pleasure to have on my team.

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Sam & Dean Winchester- I know, I know. Again more than one person, but I just can’t chose, and to me, they are one. Sam with the brains, Dean with the brawn. Well, honestly, they both have both those things. They  know how to defeat some serious adversaries (ahem…Lucifer, Leviathan), and if they don’t know, they know how to research. Plus, they kick some serious ass on a regular basis. They have both died multiple times, dealt with purgatory, and gone to hell. They have to be resourceful daily, and were trained for this life from an early age. They will be priceless in our fight against the end times!

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Oliver Queen- Duh. This guy survived 5 years on a “deserted” island-and technically not that whole time was on the island as much of it was spent training with and working for A.R.G.U.S. and doing lord knows what else. He is incredibly fit and an amazing fighter. He also does crazy things with a bow, which brings more protection to our group. Not only is he physically superior, he is incredibly smart. He knows how to plan an attack, and he knows how to think like a “bad guy”. He has a tendency to be a few steps ahead, and that will be very useful.

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Sydney Bristow- This chick kicked serious ass on Alias back in the day, and I think she would complement the team very well. She is strong and smart, and can disguise herself and play any part. She can also handle a weapon like a champ, and fight like a pro. She is also so very human-a caring individual who went through so much and never let it make her hard.

That’s my team friends! Who would you pick? Are you expecting a supernatural apocalypse, something medically induced (like zombies), or war and takeover? Whatever happens, make sure you have a team that can handle it!

5 Fandom Friday: Favorite Fictional Fathers

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           Well friends, it’s Friday! I can’t tell you how excited I am for a weekend free of obligations. I am a total introvert, and too much stimulation overwhelms me, so I need lots of time to recharge. Of course, I’ll be doing homework all weekend (Math, YUCK!), but it’ll still be nice to hide away and be mostly alone. Anyway, I’m jumping in on 5 Fandom Friday (btw, LOVING the new graphic by Darling Stewie!) this week to talk about my favorite fictional dads! I found this prompt quite appropriate this week since my dad’s birthday was a couple days ago! So, without further ado, my 5 Favorite Fictional Fathers…

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1. Mr. Bennet: Pride and Prejudice has been one of my favorite books for as long as I can remember. I favor the 2005 movie with Keira Knightly over the BBC mini-series (I know I know, sacrilege!), and have read the book more times than I can count. I love Mr. Bennet. He and I share the same opinion of his wife and three younger daughters, though mine may be much stronger since he does love them (I find them incredibly silly and annoying, though I’m positive that’s the point). We also share adoration for Lizzy and Jane, his two eldest. Now, Mr. Bennet is not without his flaws, but we are all flawed, and I find him to be a wonderful, sweet father, who loves his family very much. I love that he recognizes his older daughters’ grace, smarts, and individuality, and lets them choose their own paths, their own love. I also think Donald Sutherland plays him incredibly well.

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2. Walter Bishop: I have two episodes left in Fringe. Yes, the last two episodes ever. I am so so sad, but, I am watching it again with the boyfriend. This makes me happy 🙂 I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn’t seen Fringe (if you haven’t, you NEED to!), so I’ll keep the details out. Walter Bishop was not a great father when Peter was a boy, but he knew that and tried so hard once they got reconnected. Walter was a bit of a loon, often on psychedelic drugs, but was very conscious to try and mend his relationship with his son. He is brilliant, caring, and passionate, and while not the perfect father, definitely one of my favorites.

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3. Eddard Stark: Oh Ned. This will be short and sweet. Never have I read of or watched such an honorable, wise, sacrificial father (well, fictional). He is stern, but compassionate towards his children. He loves, but does not coddle. He seeks justice, and proves to be an incredible example of honor and dignity for his sons. He is truly one of the greats.

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4. Arthur Weasley: Mr. Weasley was not only a loving dad to his 7 kids, but was also a wonderful father figure to Harry and Hermione. He truly loved them as his own (which was good since they ended up his son and daughter in-law. Arthur was always a bit goofy, and to me, in the earlier books, came across as sort of a nervous man, but he was no pushover and as you can see in the above picture, stood up for himself, his children, Pure-blood Wizards and Muggleborns alike. He was fun, caring, and honorable, and set a wonderful example for his children.

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5. Ron Swanson: As gruff as he likes to present himself, some of my favorite Ron moments are when he lets Diane’s daughters make him over, and anytime he spends with his little baby Swanson. But long before he had little bambinos of his own, Ron was doling out fatherly advice to everyone around him-sometimes even when he didn’t want to be bothered. You’d never know it by looking at him, but he has a big ol’ heart and is a wonderful father-figure and friend to the people he loves.

*BONUS DAD*

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Alfred Pennyworth: I know Alfred isn’t technically a father, but he did raise Bruce, and pretty much all of his sidekicks, so I figured I needed to add him as a little bonus. He is incredibly smart, sarcastic (which provides some comic relief throughout), and loving. He has ALWAYS been my favorite Batman character, and while Gotham isn’t my favorite portrayal of the DC comics, it is my favorite portrayal of Alfred (and Bruce). I love love love Sean Pertwee (which I think I’ve mentioned before) as Alfred, and I love seeing the relationship between he and Bruce when Bruce is young. It really is a wonderful look into how he raised and helped Bruce become a man.

Who are your favorite fictional dads? Let me know below, or head on over to my Facebook page and share! I’d love to hear from you!

Everyday Ariel

          What’s up nerds? I’ve always enjoyed seeing “Everyday Cosplay” posts on Pinterest, and have wanted to introduce them to the blog for a while now. What is “Everyday Cosplay” you ask? Well, basically, any nerdy twist you put on an outfit! That’s how simply I see it. You are creating a “costume” that you wear everyday, instead of the super in depth character costumes you see at conventions and the like. I LOVE this whole idea for nerding up your wardrobe!
         My life has been crazy busy lately, but I sat down and had so much fun coming up with this cute “Everyday Cosplay” Ariel outfit, that I HAD to share! I love Disney, and a couple weeks ago, I saw Ariel t-shirts in two different stores, on two different days. They made me so happy, and got me so excited for Summer that I started thinking about cosplaying little miss Ariel. Voila!
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           Purple is my favorite color, so I stuck with a “classic Ariel” look. The black bow and gladiator sandals are my little twist, and the lipstick is a must-have! Of course, I had to add the fork ring, because Ariel. I am not a huge fashion-forward gal, so I like to keep it simple, and I think this outfit does just that!
What Disney character(s) would YOU Everyday cosplay?!

5 Fandom Friday: 5 Most Binge Worthy Shows

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Happy Friday!! I am so excited to get in on the fun and share my very first 5 Fandom Friday post! This weeks prompt is your “5 Most Binge Worthy Shows”, which I found appropriate since I have binged SO MANY shows! So friends, here goes…

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 1. Supernatural– A few years ago, I started on a television journey that would soon become one of my favorites. My schedule was nowhere near as full and hectic, and I had a lot more time to myself…I started watching and just couldn’t stop. I got the boyfriend into it by the time I was on season 5 and he caught up real quick. We have been live for a couple seasons now and it is still one of my favorite shows to watch, as well as my favorite fandom to be a part of.

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2. Chuck– This show. All the feels…for real. Throughout the five seasons, it made me laugh, made me cry (hysterically at times), made me angry, and made me think. I always get incredibly involved with the characters in the books I read or the shows I watch, and this was no different. I love every single one of them and was devastated when I finished the series…which I did way too quickly. Hah!

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3. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt– I blew through this show in probably 2 Saturdays. I LOVED it and can’t wait to binge the next season! Kimmy is so determined and I love that. She is always able to bring those around her back up when they are down; she is encouraging and clever…even in the bunker! Seriously one of my new favorites.

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4. Fringe– I am so glad I found this show. I binged the first 4 seasons, and when I got to the 5th, I slowed way down. I don’t want it to end! I now have 2 episodes left and it’s breaking my heart. Fringe is so so interesting and the relationships are so well developed. Everything is incredibly well done and it has blown my mind more times than not.

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5. Parks and Recreation– Seriously, top 5 favorite show of all time. The boyfriend and I were late to the party, starting the show just before season 7 ended. One snow day, we binged at least 15 episodes…probably, no most definitely, more. We just bought and started the last season and I don’t know what I’ll do when we finish. This show has me on an emotional roller coaster, and I don’t even care one bit. I just want to be a part of their little, wonderful world.

It’s my Birthday!

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Hello nerdlings! Today is my 28th birthday, and so, to celebrate, I want to share some awesome merch that I have bought or will (hopefully) buy as little presents to myself!

 

1. First and foremost, Jared Padalecki, of Supernatural (and formerly of Gilmore Girls!), started the Always Keep Fighting Campaign back in March. This campaign was to raise money for the charity To Write Love on Her Arms, and awareness for depression, addiction, mental illness and suicide. This is a cause near and dear to my heart and I jumped right in on it! I have already gotten to have numerous conversations with people about the shirt and why I wear it. Hopefully I have left a little hope in my wake and have encouraged someone to Always Keep Fighting.

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2. Of course, after the success of the first campaign, Jared started a new one, along with friend and co-star Jensen Ackles, where the money would go to a joint fund set up by the two, to do the same as before. I love them and their vulnerability and understanding. I purchased 2 this time-a sweatshirt and tank. Can’t wait for them to be delivered (hopefully next week!)

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3. One of my favorite purchases of late, was this Leaf on the Wind pendant. Firefly, aka seriously one of the greatest shows ever created (in my humble opinion), was canceled after just one season (too soon), but Mr. Whedon gave us Serenity-the movie to wrap things up a bit after the show ended. Wash, the pilot of “the best ship in the ‘verse”, had this line during a certain stressful point in the movie- “I am a leaf on the wind; watch how I soar.” It’s the best, Wash is the best, and I had to have this pendant. Of course, I got Serenity caught and ripped her right off the leaf yesterday, so that’s awful sad. BUT, the boyfriend is fixing it and it will be good as new shortly!

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4.  I never thought I’d jump on the Pop! Vinyl wagon, but when I got a figure in one of my Loot Crate boxes, I was hooked. Now, I have been dying to buy Sam & Dean vinyl figures, and they have them on Think Geek! They will probably be one of my next frivolous purchases.

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5. Loot Crate has been amazing and one of the best, most fun purchases I’ve made. Each month, the boyfriend and I (im)patiently wait for ours to arrive. Of course, I get the t-shirts since I signed up, and I’m selfish 😉 I can’t wait until I have someplace to display all the awesome toys and gadgets that come in the boxes! If you click here, you will be directed to the Loot Crate website, and if you sign up using that link, I get $5 towards a crate & 4 referrals get me a free crate! Don’t worry, don’t feel obligated, I just wanted to make sure you all knew that. BUT, you should totally sign up. It’s like it’s your birthday every month!

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